It’s finally happening! You’re new baby is just about to arrive and you’re over the moon! You broke the big News to your firstborn and the reception was good. Phew! Now what?? If you haven’t already done so, it’s time to take a step back and have a look at this experience from your older child’s perspective. For some, it’s very easy to adapt to the new circumstances. For others, a little help goes a long way. It’s worth considering the age of your firstborn as well when deciding on the best way to prepare them for the new family member. Here are some tips that might come in handy when that time comes.
Before the arrival
In general, younger children don’t really understand the concept of a baby brother/sister. Older children however can have quite extreme reactions and a huge list of objections to present to you. You might find it’s easiest to simply listen to these first. Give them space and time to work through the news. If you feel that your child is ready, you can talk the issues through and try to find solutions together. Tell them what might change in their lives. This will include quite a lot of aspects, but regardless of the amount of changes you will love them the same way as before.
HOW CAN YOU INVOLVE THEM
- Involving them in preparing for the arrival, such as asking for their opinion on the name or helping to plan out the baby space, can help children work through their anxieties and to feel part of the experience.
- You might choose to look through their baby photos when they were born. This would be a great opportunity to discuss what they can expect, such as what newborns need, what they can and cannot do. Maybe you put away something they used when they were born, a blanket or a softie. You can ask your child if s/he’d be happy to share that with the new family member.
- If you like the idea, you can give them a child-friendly camera and they can document what is happening and make a scrapbook with the photos.
- Using a doll could be a great way to practice everything before the arrival of the actual baby. It can be any kind of doll but the closer to life size the better. I personally don’t have a second child, however if I had, I would definitely invest in a Waldorf-inspired heavy doll. These dolls are handmade, using traditional European doll-making techniques. They are not only beautiful but also as tall as a newborn and weighs just about as much. Here is an example for you to see what I mean.
Don’t forget to remind them how they have to use gentle hands, to teach them how to hold the baby properly and explain how and why they have to support the head. Make sure you mention to them that a newborn needs space to breath as well.
After the arrival
After the baby is born, you can invite and encourage your children to do little jobs involving the new baby.
HOW CAN YOU INVOLVE THEM?
- Younger children would probably enjoy choosing a bedtime story which they can both enjoy listening to. You could also ask them to be in charge of the nappies making sure there are always at least 5 clean nappies in the holder every morning. A savvy tip: time how quickly they can bring you a clean nappy if you change the newborn in another room!
- With older children, this will probably look slightly different. You could ask them to be responsible for bringing you a glass of water when you’re feeding. They might want to check the bath temperature (with your supervision) before bath time. They could prepare the baby’s bed while you’re giving a bath or ask visitors to wash their hands before they touch the baby.
To summarise, there are plenty of little jobs around the new family member that your first born might enjoy being in charge. In addition, this responsibility will make them feel useful and appreciated. Over time you might want to extend or change your child’s role around the baby, depending on their reaction and inclination. Whether your older firstborn is happy to have a newborn sibling or not is something that you cannot control. However, with these little tips you can ease the path from outright rejection to acceptance, which will finally turn into love.
If you’d like to read about how to prepare a Montessori baby space, click here.
Do you have any other tips to share that worked with your children?